No, I’ve never spanked my seven-year-old son

Long story short: It’s absolutely possible to raise an awesome human being without whooping them.

Feel free to come at me with your opinions. I’ve pretty much heard it all by now. 

Over the past 2,500+ days that my son, Colton, has been on planet Earth, he’s never once been spanked. Yeah, he’s a pretty chill kid. Always down for whatever. Active in the church youth group. Practices jiu jitsu. Has the best sense of imaginative play. Thrives in team sporting environments. Exceedingly friendly and kind. Smart as a whip. Every good adjective on the planet. 

He also has ADHD so strongly that his therapist once pulled me aside and profusely thanked me for homeschooling him—otherwise, she said he’d likely be in the principal’s office more than the classroom because of his boundless energy. As a parent also blessed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, there are times when our energies match and things are easy, and times when our brains are on totally opposite ends of the spectrum (like when he needs stimuli and I desire quiet). 

Just know that there have been times in those “totally opposite” moments where the halo tilted and I had to actively remind myself of my no-spanking rule. Though, out of respect for him and because things on the internet never really go away, I purposefully won’t get into the nitty gritty. 

Maybe you’re on the fence about the way you want to discipline your child. Maybe you’ve spanked before, but you’re wondering if there’s another way. Or maybe you clicked on this article to argue with my method.

Whatever brought you here, I’m glad it did. Here are some of the FAQs I’ve been asked over the years. Long story short: It’s absolutely possible to raise an awesome human being without whooping them. 

Q: Why don’t you spank your child?

A: Here’s the biggie: If he walked up to another kid and smacked them because they did something he didn’t like, I’d be horrified. And he’d get in trouble. Why on earth would I model that same behavior and try to justify it with some “because I’m the parent” bull, when I wouldn’t want the same from him? Also, he’s seven. I’m trying to teach that hitting people isn’t a good idea; how could I do that effectively if every time he made a mistake, I slapped him? And finally, I just don’t want to hit my kid. I love him, and that’s not a way I show it. 

Q: Wait, what? You’ve seriously never spanked your kid?

A: No, and I haven’t allowed anyone else to either. There were plenty of times I thought about it when he was smaller, but I realized that was my issue, not his. I was the one getting upset with him, and giving him the ol’ one-two would only tend to benefit me. If I couldn’t communicate why a behavior wasn’t pleasant and what to do about it in the future, that was also my lack. It didn’t make sense to me to physically punish my kid for my shortcomings because at the end of the day, that’s what it all boiled down to. He’s only got seven years of experience, and he’s encountering big feelings on a near daily basis. We won’t talk about how many years of experience I have in that department.

Q: Were you spanked as a child?

A: Oh yes! My husband and I both were. I don’t hold anything against my parents for using that as a form of discipline on me, nor do I recall most of the spankings I received. In fact, the only spanking I vividly remember was when I had a choice as a two-or-three-year-old: “We can do this the easy way or the hard way.” I knew that the easy way involved taking a bath which, as a toddler who thoroughly enjoyed making mudpies in the backyard, really wasn’t appealing. So I chose the hard way, not knowing what that entailed. I found out “the hard way” that the hard way was a spanking. Nope, not hitting my kid without a warning, much less with one he doesn’t understand. 

Q: How did you keep other relatives from popping him?

A: As soon as C was born, I sat every relative down and explained that we weren’t using spanking as a form of discipline (you can imagine how that went over). Met with resistance, I then explained that if anyone ever did spank my child, I was going to bend that person over my knee and spank them—and it didn’t matter if we were in public when it happened, or if we were around people they knew. So far, it’s worked as flawlessly as my former “if you touch my pregnant belly, I will reach out and touch your belly” rule. Follow me for more parenting tips. 

Q: What do you do for discipline?

A: We found “timeout” incredibly effective when C was two or three years old, but now that he’s able to better communicate his feelings, a simple talk works wonders. There’s always some kind of affirming physical touch to go with the tough conversations, whether that’s holding hands at his level or giving him a hug while we chat. Sure, he starts off pretty defensive (I do, too, when I’m face-to-face with a mistake I made), but the calmer I stay, the faster he’s able to regulate his emotions and the sooner we’re able to talk about why he was upset, why he acted out in the way he did, and behavior tips for the next time he recognizes the same negative emotion. Also mentioning: Sometimes, when the energy level’s “too high” for a heart-to-heart, we’ll jump in place together 10 times to help us focus on the conversation we’re about to have.

Q: Do other people tell you you’re “doing it wrong?”

A: If I had a dollar for every time… Yes. Hard yes. I’ve heard everything from “back in my day” to “you’re spoiling him.” First, it’s 2025. Respectfully, it’s likely not even the same millennia as “your day.” Second, if I’m spoiling my child by not smacking him for doing something I didn’t like, then hallelujah—I’ll gladly spoil him every day. 

Q: Does not spanking get easier?

A: Yes, and it’s highly rewarding! Sometimes I felt like I was losing my mind in the toddlertude phase, but I’m really proud that I didn’t give in and do what felt “easy.” I was always concerned that if I spanked him once or twice, I’d more easily “justify” the action the next time. Because I didn’t act on that instinct, it felt almost like I trained the urge out of myself. Now, Colton and I have effective ways to communicate big emotions, and that’s so valuable.